Week #12--My Response to Brandy's Free Write

Wow! This rewrite really packs punch in the rearrangement and contractions of some of the catchier lines. I like the neater look of the stanzas, although on the blog it appears that one or two lines didn't break where they should have, or maybe not. You have really done a nice job in your rewrite. I particularly enjoy "watching the wrong side of the world," "hop scotched crossties" and "lungs losing more than air." Well done, Brandy!