Oneiromancer
A golden chimera sings to me,
as lustily as thirsty fire—faultless,
floating, golden dream;
detached
I spot it from my funeral pyre.
My blackened soul stands by itself—
stripped of all its earthly means. Before me, realms
of salacious cells teem in holy harmony.
Hark!
Almost scorched my shadow leans—then I awake
à terre again. Who stole my cloak?
Mark that rabbit hole! For
in the nanosecond where I
unearthed
I saw the miracle of love unfold.
Pauline,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to question the use of the phrase "blackened soul". I think this leans toward the category of "poesy". When I think typical dark poetry, soul would definitely be mentioned, along with something about it being dark, hurt, etc. An expansion tactic I have been working on that may help you: I take an abstract or expected word such as "soul" or "love" and just start writing what comes to my mind image-wise in relation to the word. It generally starts out more typical (love is the setting sun, a branch of cherry blossoms), but the more freely I get into the association, the images will get more interesting (love is a puddle of water, a coin in a gutter).
One more thing I want to mention is the structure of this piece. There is a little bit of rhyming going on that could be played with, maybe sharpened. And I am not sure if "detached" and "unearthed" deserve their own line, so line breaks can use some thinking and rearranging.
Otherwise, I love the interesting and ambiguous language used throughout. I hope you keep playing with this piece; I feel like it has high potential!