Candis,
I think you have followed Dickinson's poem very closely, perhaps too verbatim. I like your theme of "school" and the juxtaposition of 'instructor' to 'janitor' against "landlord" and "maids". "Abnormal" doesn't seem to relate to education though, but 'ignorant' or "reluctant" does. Your last line refers back to Dickinson's theme instead of to yours. Perhaps a different question would make better sense for your draft. Overall, with minor adjustments, I think it will read as well as Dickinson's.
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