MacKenzie,
It’s hard to write about pets and not be sentimental. I think this draft could be less so if you took away the obvious. By that I mean by not stating what or who Jimmy is and let your reader figure it out. I like your descriptive phrases like “when bacon hops in the skillet,” “the simper in his eyes,” and “like a malfunctioning compass”. Perhaps ‘treating’ Jimmy as a human instead of dog might make the draft more fun and surprising to read. For instance, start with the last two “maybe” lines first, as if you are mad at your bedmate, teasing him about pedaling with his feet at 3 a.m. Change the title, too. I want to find out for myself. Your draft has good potential for having a “mickey” with someone for whom you hold great affection.
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