Week #5--My Post to Elizabeth Wood's Free Entry #1, Week #3

Pauline I hear a philosopher in this writing and think a less narrative treatment of the subject matter will make it more poetic. (The word "identical" in the second sentence gives me pause, for I would argue that they are necessary to each other, as in complementary, but not necessarily identical. The factor of time plays a part in this, too, but I digress.) I wonder how this might read if you take out the verbs and start reorganizing phrases. This draft has the potential to sound less prosy and much more poetic, especially with phrases like "paper unmakes trees" and alliteration like "sledgehammer simultaneously." Addtional metaphors will bring it to life, too. Hope I get to read the revision!

February 12, 2011 1:17 PM