Sunday, February 27, 2011

Week #7--My Post to Sydney's "Improv"

Sydney,

I love many of the 'activities' you list, especially "Work on carving prophesies in stone," and "a quick lap around the lips with the twirl of the tongue." Your inventive "manely" adds humor, but 'tricks of the trade" sounds too cliche. More imagery might be needed there. Alberghotti's poem juxtaposes its text against the biblically-themed title which makes it seem more absurd. Your draft uses biblical language in both, so perhaps a different title would create the same dynamic--something about a circus, maybe. I would enjoy seeing a contracted version, perhaps in a different form, because it is a fun read. (Be sure to run your spellcheck, too!) Nice work!

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