Atara,
Repetitions of 'rush' in your first stanza work nicely, but I'm not sure repetition is needed in the first line of the third stanza. I like your intonations of feminine oppression indicated by the woman's carrying of his jacket and movies, but I don't get "Hissing for sharp notes" and think it doesn't quite fit in the draft's context; however, the "mocha frappucino" lends the draft a great deal of zeitgeist, and your last two lines are exquisite. I would like to see you add more text to this draft, in the way of descriptive scenes, or even conversation between the two characters, and capitalize on its feminist tone. Good start!
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