Casey,
This piece melds the physical and the spiritual in an appealing way with the phrase "some quite stretchy state of being." I also like "mentally malleable" and "souls embracing." I think the draft's structure is a little quirky, but I realize you are riffing off of "Betrayal." I'm not sure you need "I believe," and "embraced" works better in the last line than the second. Perhaps change it to 'encountered' or 'enjoyed.' I think you could expand this draft and create something even more interesting. It certainly shows potential!
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