MacKenzie,
I am fascinated by the sheer oddity of this draft and enjoy its poke at 'reptilian-like romance.' The first sentence makes me laugh, although "touch of a feather" seems irrelevant, if relevance is an issue. Phrases like "your shapely mouth cannot soothe the beast of your raging skin" and "All bodies clamp the same throats" work nicely to augment the theme of sexual aggression and could even stand alone. The last two lines, for some reason, make me think of Miss Piggy, for the speaker's tone seems to emulate her narcissistic personality. What a fun read!
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