Thursday, October 20, 2011

Week #8--My Response to Brandy's Free Entry #1

Brandy,

I think you have created some really nice imagery in "the alphabet soup throw back" and "impregnated me with bound paper." I also really like "subconscious school" and "apple eyes of my teachers," too. A "single quarter" sounds redundant, however, and "suicide" reoccurs too soon.

Two motifs seem to emerge: a master-slave relationship for teacher-student and an allusion to orgasm ("waiting for the contraction"). The latter may be way off base but there you have it.

I think so many metaphors in two short stanzas may be overkill, but maybe not. I just found the first read confusing but it got easier on the rereads. I'm not sure the ending packs enough punch and may just need some rephrasing. Otherwise, I think you have done some nice work!

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