Monday, April 11, 2011

week #12--Response to Ray's Free Write #11

Ray,
This is a good synopsis of what it's like to work at a movie theater. I like the first lines of each verse, except "Carefully smuggled" seems redundant although the alliteration with the next two lines works nicely. I suggest you find another word for "desire" and another for "young" as these lack specificity. I also suggest "The elderly couple arrives five minutes late, disrupting the masses to avoid previews." Good draft overall!

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