MacKenzie,
This speculative narrative about Odysseus inside the Trojan horse is rather unique. Appealing phrases like "the fleshy tulip of his thumb" and "the belly of that wooden deception" counter the more prosy short sentences. Your imagery of the "spiral of fate" as a braided cord is very clever.
I'm not sure the word "concrete" fits in with the rest of the text, and two uses of "heart" might seem heavy. Also, the proximity of "inside" to "In his ears" sounds a little awkward. Finally, I think something more is needed in front of "ineffable," such as 'woven by the' or 'spun by the' "ineffable hands of the gods."
Those are my thoughts. It's a really nice draft and could be developed into an interesting work with some expansion. Perhaps, as Dr. D suggested in class to Elizabeth, add a completely different exercise and see if they can meld together. You do great work!
Pauline
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