Just Like You and Me
Tulips—yellow—outside my door—
scattered—only three or four.
I’m tempted to assign them names,
like Jolly, Sunny, Rod, and James.
Like me, they stand up straight and tall
above a thin and thornless stalk.
Like you, they shut their petals tight,
rejecting any morning light.
Like me, they’ll blossom where they grow.
Like you, they’ll lean when breezes blow,
reminding me of why I frown;
maybe I should cut them down.
Pauline,
ReplyDeleteI love the controlled rhyming of this draft, you did a really neat job with that aspect of it. I also like the interplay of the you and me descriptors of the flowers. The playful nature of this piece is reinforced by the rhyming. I think you did a really nice job adding a bit of a twist at the very end for the closing. All in all this is a lovely, tightly controlled, spare draft. You might consider adding more lines, although honestly I think it works well just the way it is.