Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Week #4--My Response to MacKenzie's "Caldera"

MacKenzie,

I like--no, love--the connection you have made in this draft between an archeological dig and present day life in a rather comic-tragic tone. You have created some great word-pairs, like "exponential frustration," "miscreant night," "people cakes," but my favorite phrase is "the ships stopped mid-bob in the harbor." Superb writing!

I suggest you economize and combine sentences two and three, and I'm not sure you need sentence three in the second stanza. Even if you don't do these changes, I think you have an enjoyable read. Nicely done!

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