Emmanuel,
This draft really delivers some strong imagery of a rape scene, therefore perhaps the title could be more subtle to contrast it. The opening line really draws the reader into the scene, but "Rivers of living waters" sounds a bit too prosy, in my opinion. I think the description of the perpetrator's breath says a lot and might even say as much in a condensed form, using more adjectives than nouns. (Do you really need "uncomfortably"? Also, "want" and "need" might pack more punch as "craving" or "urge."
The religious overtones in this piece contrast the bullying threats of the rapist nicely. I suggest you 'show' more than 'tell' about the victim's virtuous nature, which could still be done through her interior thoughts but in an angrier, more desperate tone. Some more action would paint a clearer picture, too. Nice start!
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