Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Week #5-My Response to Kamau's Free Entry

There's so much rhythm in this draft it reads like a rap song, and that's not a bad thing. I like the speaker's rebellious tone toward social conformity and the quirky "left" and "right" dilemma. I think the speaker makes it clear he wants to do "Life" his way.

On the other hand, abstractions like "Life" and "Progress" deny the reader any deeper insight into the speaker's world, like what music he listens to and what he really wants to do. Offering some details on those "endless fields of possibilities" might provide more interest and lend this draft some depth. Nice start though, Kamau!

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